haha like omg!
how do i portray myself? Do i seem friendly, or dao?
Apparently to my juniors i look very dao. I quite agree; i'm only friendly to people i'm close to. Otherwise i look very reserved i think. Plus, my default face is a dao face, can't help it lah. :x
To a teacher, i probably look like a disinterested kid with an attitude problem. I think my face exaggerates my emotions D: If i just feel a little tired i'll look pissed :x This is badd! If it's positive like "if i just feel a little happy and i will look exhilarated" is fine, but i highly doubt it's like that. hownow? I shall aim to never look tired then. What a tiring aim.
To a new friend, or maybe not a friend. Hmm. Potential friend but still a stranger; i'm probably very unfriendly and not approachable. I realise i take very long to warm up to friends. Eg. this is my ideal situation/what usually happens.
1st time i meet you: silence. (is golden)
2nd time: Hi! What's your name? I'm ___. And the conversation stays there.
3rd time: We talk about the teacher. Or whatever.
..
..
..
10th time/ day: Then we'll establish rapport.
UNLESS the other party is the friendly type then things will progress a bit faster(: But the first day i'll ALWAYS be quiet. Try as you may but i'll just nod and smile.
So, as you can see, i don't really make friends at camps and workshops that don't last at least a year. Honestly, how long can these friendships last? All the good memories will be washed off soon enough. I don't know; but maybe to me making friends at this kind of occasions is kind of.. superficial. Because i know for sure it's not going to be sustainable. One year? Two years? I think that's the maximum. Sometimes, after a week you'll feel like strangers all over again; then what's the point?
This explains my dao-stone attitude during VSMP. It's an entire class of strangers save for the bunch of rgs girls. My aim in signing up for the workshop is purely FOR the workshop; not making new friends. Hence, i didn't really make an effort to do that. But, maybe cause it's easier, i've made RGS friends :D I mean like, you're from the same school; there's obviously more stuff you can talk about and have in common. But, after a while, i realise i can't just stay there or i'll seem like some dao, arrogant elitist or whatever shit. So, despite already being comfortable in my own little world, i tried to talk.(: Ended up knowing a few more people which is good! But again. Not sustainable :(
Should i change my attitude? Being friendly is always good; like it feels nice and stuff. But then sometimes it may grow uncomfortable; it's sort of against my nature. Then how do i draw the line between talking/ not? Honestly, i think i react very differently to different people. If i'm comfortable i'll just shoot off and transform into a chatterbox. If i'm just uncomfortable i still won't talk. You know the funny and weirdest thing is, when these two kinds of people are in the same group, it's very odd isn't it? Like those whom i seem very quiet and reserved to will see me going high with those i'm comfortable with. I wonder what will they think?
Also, I'm not comfortable with people with Y chromosomes. (save for my cousins and family la!) I don't think it's the school environment. It's just me. D: HOW! i'll forever be dao and quiet which is bad. :( Adds on to my already unfriendly image. :(
My making-friends mood switches on and off periodically, so depending on my mood, and the person, i can become two very different people. I THINK I HAVE BIPOLAR DISORDER EEEKS XD
Hahaha. 我不善于表达自己的感情／感想. But this must change! When people ask me to tell them more about myself i'll just err and lapse into silence. D: SO MUST PRACTICE. Rather than actually talk about it verbally i'd rather blog cause otherwise it seems very ego. :x Plus, must practice expressing my thoughts CLEARLY in a coherent manner for the sake of having people understand me! HAHA(:
JAY IS COMING TO SINGAPORE! :D
